Lets see colors no one else has seen

I feel this need to get a lot of stuff out right now. Just confess to everything, but there is absolutely nothing to confess to.I guess it's just a feeling or something. I'm trying really hard to let go of my loss and to not dwell on it so much. It's working but I have my moments. And with each issue/problem gone, another one arises just to bite me in the ass again. I would love to tell you that things are okay right now, but infact-things are quite complicated. Accepting the fact that Mansfield will soon be something of my past, but then again..I have to get Frank to accept the same thing.I have to be honest. I think that if I stay in Mansfield for the rest of my life, I will give up on everything. I don't think he's understanding that. But, then again-he has more to cling onto here like family and friends and I could really care less about things here. It's just a reminder of how things fall apart here. I hate it. Can you seriously sit and think of having an actual good life here? No.No should be your ONLY answer.
I feel horrible for making him leave all of this behind. It's only going to be a couple of years and we can come back a lot. It's only like 3-4 hours away. Not a big deal really. It's going to be really hard to want to talk to someone and not be on the phone though. I hate the phone.I really don't even like texting anymore. Forwards are the devil!!!
Do you people really think that if you don't send a picture of a laughing cat to 10 of your friends in 4 minutes that you won't fall in love or you will die?! Wtf? People are fucking to retarded...so, with that said-Don't send me forwards!!!! K.thanks :)
I've been listening to a lot of other music lately-music that won't make my mind relate to other things that make me relate those things to bad things that I don't like to think about...
I still listen to the same stuff..just..uhm....different music for different moods. Like..I've been listening to TONS of U2 and lots of Bob Seger! (don't call me lame!!)-I love them!
I need to stop being a hobit. I'm majorly pale right now with the darkest hair! I look fucking goth (not that there is a problem with that) but..it's just a weird look for me.
I have a very nervous feeling about moving away. It's going to be so much more responsibility. I just hope he doesn't back out on me and go his own way.

Sometimes we don't really realize we love someone so much until there is a HUGE fight or something horrible happens. Frank and I talked about moving to Pittsburgh a while ago, but it wasn't a for sure thing because I hadn't heard from Aii. Now that it's for sure he seems to be wanting to just stay home. God-if there is such a man-don't take frank away from me too!!!! ugh!!!

This will be the most stressful week.
I have to take an Accuplacer test next week..bleh.
Sorry for the rant. It's been a while.
Really..just look at the dates of my other posts!

Always raining in my head

Today was a productive day none the less,but then when I got home I just got really lazy.

Anyways....I started writing this blog to get some stress out but I'm not even sure how to say anything right now.

I guess I'm just realizing that I'm accepting my loss and moving onto the better things in my life. The stress of moving to Pittsburgh is killing me,but then again-it all seems so easy just to pick up and go.
I think we're going to there during Spring break to get everything set up and then we're not moving until July. I'm excited to get out of Mansfield, but I'm kind of nervous to move into a huge city and get use to all of that shit.

I really wonder what my dad would think of everything that I've achieved at this point. Sometimes I really need his opinion on things and there is no way that I can get that anymore. Trying to get over a loss like that is the hardest thing that I've ever had to do or experience. I'm so afraid that something else is going to happen soon.-seriously.

*I'm going to Pittsburgh with an aching in my heart.*