Sometimes I think that all is lost with my family because of what they've become. I never seem to realize that my family is NOT me. I will one day be able to look past all of the stupid shit that led up to the point of me telling everyone to just fuck off. Things were going so great for the longest time with my mom. She actually had respect for herself and she was working, taking care of herself,paying her bills on time...spending time with everyone important,treating herself better and being a better person all together. In the short months that I had my mom sober, I realized that I could have a good relationship with her and we could be good friends;without the drugs & alcohol. I've never been able to talk to my mother about the things that really have bothered me in the past three years. It was almost like I had to get to know a whole new person when she was sober. I've never known my mother to be like that in a really long time.-seriously. Then...she gets off probation and I guess her idea of life is just one big party that never ends. I never see her anymore and this isn't because she doesn't come around; it's because I can't deal with losing her all over again. Nothing was a wake up call to her-not even her first love dying. Now she's with a man that drinks and parties just as much as she likes and she lives right around the corner from her favorite drunk and right next to two bars. It's quite pathetic actually; to be doing so well and then within 3 weeks your life is shit again. You've wasted your daughters money to get off of probation and then you do the same shit that got you to spiral down a dark path in the beginning.It's not worth it. I should have realized a long time ago that she's never going to change. I had myself fooled for so long. I guess I wanted a "normal" life so bad that I made up all this false shit to make myself feel better about what it would be like when she was free. I'm really disappointed. God...I really don't want it to be where she starts to blame me for everything all over again. She blames me for why she doesn't have her kids anymore; it's because she was a drug addict and her kids and family couldn't handle it anymore. I'm so tired of accepting all the shit she throws my way for why HER life hits rock bottom. She's going to end up just like my father.- I know it.
I do love her..I just can't understand why she has to be so immature. I don't even act like she does.
On a lighter note,
I'm engaged =)
It has been the upside of everything. It's completely different than you make it out to be when you're thinking about it. Everything is so intense...and even though you know you're going to say yes..you just know that it's going to be a big milestone. It's true love.
Things have changed so much and I'm happy for it because I see how Frank really is.
I've learned that people can do things to hurt you but they'll love you all the same.
Trust is key. I hadn't had that for some time,but when you finally give in it makes things better for everyone.
I'm his Angel forever. He's my everything.
I wonder what my dad would think.....hmm....
